Broken Reflections Part 3: Shared Despair
by Cryla Moorin
Summary: Mamoru finds out the truth about the Sailor Moon he and the rest of the scouts take for granted


Author: Cryla Moorin  
  
Line: "Sailor Moon"  
  
Rights: I don't own Sailor Moon; but you take Kayle or the poetry in this section without permission and I will hunt you down and blow a hole in your worthless carcas!!!  
  
Enjoy!!  
  
Broken Reflections Part 3 of 4  
  
Title: Shared Despair  
  
Blurb: Darien gets another chance to find out the truth about Usagi, when he finds a notebook that is only signed with a bunny head cartoon with a moonscar on it's forehead.  
  
"Hey, Mamo. What's that?" Motoki pointed to the black notebook in Mamoru's hand.  
  
"I found this outside. There's no name, but whoever owns it is either a great liar or is highly suicidal." He said, putting the book on the counter.   
  
'That looks like Usa-chan's journal...' Motoki blinked, "Suicidal?!"  
  
"Yeah. This is the first paragraph of the book. 'Had I known...Had I known how much Fate hated me...Had I known what test Kami-sama had destined for me...I would have prayed to die, instead of for a friend."  
  
"Sounds like teen angst, not suicidal tendencies, Mamo." Motoki felt his heart crack, at the bottom of the page was Usa's bunny signature.  
  
"Here's a poem a few pages later.  
  
'Ice'  
  
Horrible.   
  
Agony.  
  
The solution is Ice.  
  
I am frozen and listless.  
  
My crystalline tears no longer fall.  
  
I have no emotions, not yet.  
  
Nothing is felt.  
  
There is no anger, no sadness.  
  
Now, there is only Ice.  
  
This is the blessed state of numbness.  
  
What happened is past.  
  
Soon, I will have to heal.  
  
Maybe someday, I will feel the sun.  
  
I will remember with bittersweet memories.   
  
But now, I can't.  
  
From this day, until the sun comes again,   
  
I will be frozen.  
  
This is so the pieces of my heart can heal.  
  
Today, I am barren and Icy.  
  
Later, I will live."  
  
Hotaru had walked over, during Mamo's recitation, to sit beside Motoki. Looking at him with eloquent eyes, she silently pleaded with him not to say any thing. Mamoru had to figure it out for himself.  
  
"Hey, Hotaru. Know anything about this notebook?"  
  
"That is for you to discover." Came the cryptic reply.  
  
"O--kay." Mamoru looked at her strangely. "Here's another one.  
  
'I am sorry.  
  
No one really knows.  
  
How can they?  
  
I haven't let them in my heart.  
  
I blame them for not understanding.  
  
I hate them for being happy.  
  
Even with those I call friend, I hate them.  
  
My hope, my joy, she's dead.  
  
The witch of my love for my wanderer,   
  
I miss her.  
  
I love her.  
  
I miss her.  
  
No one really knows.  
  
How can they?  
  
I haven't let them in my heart.  
  
I am sorry."  
  
Hotaru moved to another section of the book. "Read."  
  
Mamoru stared down at the book. "Foolish, I am."  
  
'I, the fool.'  
  
Foolish, stupid girl.  
  
Foolish, you believed him.  
  
He only loved one thing.  
  
Foolish, it wasn't you.  
  
Addictions aplenty, he loved only these.  
  
Even as his choice was made,   
  
He claimed his love for me.  
  
He cared not for you,   
  
As he played chicken with oncoming traffic.  
  
He cared not as he ran drugs,  
  
As you slept nestled beside him, unaware.  
  
His constant reckless treatment of the life  
  
He claimed to love,  
  
I was too stubborn to see.  
  
I, the Fool, to love a man  
  
And believe my love could set him free.  
  
I, the Fool, not to see,  
  
That love was not enough for he."  
  
"Now, this."  
  
"Dagger."  
  
The dagger in my hand  
  
So soft and cold,  
  
Seems to glimmer  
  
Though it is so old.  
  
Sharp, so sharp,  
  
It cuts my hand.  
  
Drip, drip, drip.  
  
Blood, red as fire,  
  
Now black as night,  
  
Falls to table brown.  
  
Drip, drip, drip.  
  
Scary mask hides the face.  
  
Coloring my white lace.  
  
It deepens my frown.  
  
Drip, drip, drip.  
  
The dagger cuts,  
  
The blood falls to table brown.  
  
No pain, I look wane,  
  
Drip, drip, drip.  
  
Blood falls to table brown,  
  
Falling slowly, ever so slowly,  
  
From the dagger in my hand."  
  
Mamoru sat and cried, tears welling in his eyes. "Hotaru, you mean this is Usa-chan's notebook? Those cuts on her hands and wrists...She wrote all of this?? That makes no sense. She's always so happy!"  
  
Hotaru shook her head sadly. "She seems happy, but at what price? She wrote a poem for Tuxedo Kamen, before he became as bad as everyone else...Think very carefully. When was the last time she put you, willingly, in the line of Danger or 'asked' anyone to help her? Everyone assumes that she is Weak. It never crosses thier minds that because she is the leader, she pays a much higher price than the rest of you. Name one Queen or Dark and Evil entity you beat without something Usa uses in battle. Read this and tell me what you plan to do about what you have learned."  
  
"Me and You"  
  
Given once to walk in the park  
  
Loves by the pond  
  
Dreams in the trees  
  
Friendships hands on my knees  
  
I wonder now, far and beyond,  
  
To a place where  
  
Everything is stark  
  
I know that I am nowhere  
  
Music cannot soothe me  
  
Words cannot rile me  
  
Pain cannot hurt me  
  
I am numb  
  
And so am dumb  
  
I cannot yell  
  
So I fell  
  
From the mountain's peak  
  
To the ground, where you do speak  
  
The tears I cried   
  
When you were done  
  
Lay by the wayside,   
  
Now that we together are one."  
  
Mamoru's voice broke. "How come she never told us?"  
  
Motoki answered. "Would you have listened?"  
  
"We all figured she needed to grow up...But this...?"  
  
"Is too much?" Hotaru inquired. "Remember this, both of you. Usa-chan is at the breaking point." Taking the notebook with her, Hotaru Left.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
Serena stood with out emotion over a dying Mamoru, "Don't presume you know anything about me." 


End file.
